Foot-boll(ocks)!!

Champions of England! Champions of Europe! Champions of the World! Winners of the Carling Cup!

Venue: Old Trafford.

Attendance: 75569

Opponents: Liverpool

Scoreline: Manchester United 4 - Liverpool 1 (Oh O! I mean the other way around.)

Disaster! Katastrophe! Calamité! Desastres! Or in simple Indian - BHENCHOT!!!!

How did this happen? Or like the way Richie says to one of his sidekicks in The History of Violence - How did we fuck that up? I just can't believe it!

We were 7 points clear with a game in hand and at the top of the table. Crusing in true sense. Then came the scousers beating their drums after a fantastic win against Real Madrid in the Champions League. And did we not FUCK it up? Yes, we got beat 4-1. But it was more about our defensive shambles than Liverpool's offense. The same defense which is the base for our push on 5 fronts this season. Vidic's schoolboy errors handed them 2 piss-easy goals. And the scousers had the bext 2 weeks in recent memory. Although, as Steve Gardner mentioned in his blog on Manutd.com, they tend to forget that we had the the best 2 decades. 

I never in my worst nightmares thought we would lose so badly. Losing against Liverpool always hurts. Losing 4 goals to 1 is even bad. And that too at Old Trafford is just catostrophic. I was fortunate to escape the stick from my liverpool supporting mates in India as I was on my way back to London that day. 

The result was a one-off. Or that's what we thought. We all were expecting a backslash against Fulham at Craven Cottage. We even pitied the poor Whites or Cottagers as they love to call themselves. Roy Hodgson even gave an interesting statement before the game when it sounded defeat even before the game started. He said Chelsea and Liverpool should expect no favours from Fulham when they visit. Although it sounded like a white flag before the battle, it seemt more out of Fergie's books if anything. 

We played absolutely rubbish in the first half but upped the tempo in the second half and should have got away with atleast a point. Both results show us in a very poor state altough we played quite outstandingly, arguably. But then we did come away with 3 points when we weren't at our very best previously in the campaign. Sir Alex kept on hinting that we would drop points at some point or the other. Even he would never have imagined we would come true to his words against the scousers. The players have had a fantastic season so far bar the last few games. Vidic has been outstanding. He has just had one bad game and I am sure he will come up with the goods come the rest of the season. We would miss Rooney, Scholesy and Vidic against Villa. But I think our squad is big enough and I believe we can cope with it for the next few games.

What next? I have no bloody idea. I am losing my sleep over it. I want the premier league desperately! At any cost! We cannot afford to drop any more points. Coming away with 3 points against Villa is vital to show everyone that it was a one off week. We always make it hard for ourselves, we always do. This is the 18th! This is the season when we knock the scousers off their fecking perch. I dont want to lose this one. I can't imagine how much the scousers would love it to rub it in for years to come if we bottle this one up. I dont care about the Champions League or the FA cup for that matter. It was always an unrealistic expectation to win 5 trophies anyways. 

We have to show belief. We have to support the reds. We always win it. We should take it by the scruff off the neck. Come on you reds!

B-E-L-I-E-V-E

Gone Baby Gone

If you ever ask me, when does a man feel the most terrible, I would probably have quite a few incidents or moments to narrate. But right now, I dont know how or why, it feels terrible. Really really terrible. Right to the core. From the deepest bottoms of my heart.

Leaving India is always bad. Leavind friends is always bad. Leaving family is even bad. But return someplace where you dont like it at all is the worst feeling. That too on the back of a good long almost 3 months vacation is unexpressable.

I went to India in January. I hadn't got time or the courage to go visit India for over 2 years. 2 years 4 months to be precise. The nostalgia was immense. It was getting to a point where I was getting emotionally sick thinking about everything that is about India. I was getting depressed. Hence, when I received my new Visa, I decided to take a chance amidst all the ongoing problems like immigration, finances, jobs and all one could think of. I thought of surprising my family by visiting without any prior notice.

I notified the monster of a man a.k.a Shailesh about it and he came to pick me up to Mumbai.

I was worried sick about the money that I would have to spend in India, the bills that would pile up when I return back to London, the immigration mamu's patting my back and saying "kahitari kara chaha panyacha" (there chaha paani costs a friggin lot than a 5 star hotel's chaha paani!).

But once I shocked the living daylights off my mom after showing up on the door, all the fear was lost. That was the most satisfying moment I had in a long long time. Then came the turn of Uncles, aunties, brothers, sisters n friends. It turned out beautiful. It was a dream come true. But as one says, a man can never be happy with what he gets. I wanted more.

I had thought of going out with my mates to movies, long rides, trips to neverlands, just go insane. I had been waiting for it for 2 long years. 26 long months. 790 long days. Countless hours.

But as it always happens in my case, I learn things the hard way. Things had changed. They'd changed real good.

People had moved on. People had girlfriends. People had studies. People had jobs. People had other things to do. People were happy. I wasnt sure about myself. My first thought was, how pathetic could one be when it comes to giving excuses. I felt awful at heart and wanted to secretly cry my eyes out. But then I realised it wasnt all that bad. I realised they had to do it because it was their life. I didnt not have the right to pop in all of a sudden out of oblivion and expect things to happen. I couldnt expect them to leave their daily chores for my satisfaction. Thats not what friends do. They understand each other. Support each other.

The first month flew away like a leaf off a fading tree. The next was excruciatingly painful. Get up at 2 in the noon and sleeping at 5 in the morning took the piss. Some of the things some friends said hurt like mad. I felt really bad about it. But I couldnt show it.

People said I hadnt changed. Why on earth would they want me to change? Everytime I come back to India, they expect a major change in me. Why? What is wrong with me? The next time I go back, I am gonna be a real pisshead making people wish I had been to my old self.

When I was spending my time doing absolutely fuckall, I felt terrible. When my sister was getting up at 4 in the morning, cooking food and going off to work untill 6 in the evening, I felt like a penny waiting for a change. My frustration resulted in me fighting with my mother, shouting on my brother, being rude with my sister. I hated myself. I still do for being a dickhead.

I dont know what to do. Today sitting here and typing all this after a day of returning back to London, I feel terrible. There you go. For the umpteenth time, I feel terrible. I want to cry but I cant. I just want to go back to my country even though I feel I couldve done a lot better in India this time around. No matter how bad my condition was, no matter how bad I was treated at times, no matter how ignorant people are, I still love it. I miss my mom, my friends, our kitten, our house, the bike, the car stereo, the tea, the food, the people, the festivals. I miss the love given by all. I just cant take it. Please god help me find a way! Please!

Respect the women

OK, so probably I have to rant a little bit now. Maybe it would sound wtf-u-talking-about kind of trash but I deserve to rant after being shut for all this while. So, what is the reason for my haranguing?

Well, I am working at this place called the England's Home of Rugby. For more knowledgeable ones - Twickenham. I am assigned to work with a bunch of Mauritian boys. 20 of them to be precise. The guys are all your typical next door horny males. So we were working a few days ago when for the first time, we had a girl who came to work along with us. She was an insanely good looking Indian-African kinda girl with absolutely fit body and hair to die for. But that was it.

The way she caused commotion amongst the boys was absolutely sensational. More than sensational, it was immoral. The poor soul was leeched at all day long by the guys as if she was a toy on the chimneypiece. And she did not seem to be a bit distracted by it even though she noticed everyone staring at her. The look on everyone's face was as if they had all been stuck on an deserted island without a woman for years and they were ready to nail this chick down. It was hilarious at one point.

But, the funniest part is, the way they stared at her. If you had shown her head shot to them after a few days, they most probably wouldn't have recognised her but if you had given a picture of her from head below, they would've immediately recognised her. The sexually-driven stare was insane. Once even I was caught having a quick stare I agree but it was a bit awkward & I with all honesty did not intend to look at her.

The fact is If you go with the quick look, you just feel the awkwardness and it means you either felt weird she caught you staring at her which means you were having weird thoughts or being creepy, or it says you are loser and you are embarrassed to admit that you were caught staring. Either ways, you have to just extend the stare and see what happens next.

Its more about the intention behind the stare than the stare itself. Why are women just looked upon as a sex object than anything else. There is more to a woman than her body. Yes call me an idiot but that's the truth. You cant be just looking at the "prized assets" when you are talking with a beautiful girl. But then how would you know if she beautiful, because you weren't even looking at her face. There is nothing good or beautiful in this world as someone has said, the beauty of a thing lies in your ability to appreciate it.

The question is, why is it that men always think of sex 24 x 7. No I am as straight as the hair on my chest and I do think about sex as much as I think about football. But the difference is, not all the time. There is a limit to everything. I've seen so many guys who would fuck a doll in the middle of the night even when they r half asleep. It is crazy. There are so many things better than sex. Ok, not better but, as good as it. How about a hot plate of onion bhajji when its raining cats n dogs. Or how about a cuppa when its freezing your bollocks out. How about coming home all disappointed and knackered from work and your baby boy or girl runs upto you and holds you in their cuppy arms. For them you are not the same loser as you might be out of the house or in the office. Isn't that as good as it gets? Try staying 3 years in longevity away from your family and friends, the faces you dream to be with, the people you want to dine n wine with, try meeting them for the first time after all those years. I will sacrifice a thousand nights of sex for such occasions. OK, make it hundred...or less. But you got the point.

But you know what, a dude has second thoughts, as always. And I have second thoughts. Not that I doubt what I have scribbled but I love being sure. Is really sex the best thing ever or is it not? Lemme double check just to be hundred percent sure. Honey...shall we..

Just to prove my point to all the guys who are crying foul over reading this post, stare at the above image long enough, and you will see a waterfall. ;)

Virgin Diaries

Virgin media weekly football and other sport opinions. Cracks me up. Some excerpts.

Hammer Time!

Suffering one of the greatest reversals in fortune since R Kelly bought a video camera, West Ham are having a nightmare. Losing a sponsor is one thing, losing two quality defenders is plain careless. But being fined for Sheffield United being crap is downright unfair! West Ham may have got a bewildered Tevez on loan from El Del Boy but he was only one player in a team that played its way out of trouble – Sheffield United’s team didn’t. How about athletes suing other countries’ teams for having better training facilities? How about ugly people suing people who got married after having plastic surgery?

Scolari: Diary of the Manager

I even more of genius now as even Kalou score with me here! I think next week the linesman will score from 30 yards just cos I near him! Chelsea were slightly disappoint that we not beat the Manchester United but we were better side and if my little Deco had been playing we would have won by fourteen goals. At least I learn lot of useful English like ‘I didn’t see the incident’ or ‘A point is still a point’ and ‘It is a game of two calves:’ our donkey calf was definitely Anelka! Aye currumba he could not hit water falling out of a boat. I say you want to make the angel with the hands get the devil out of your feet beardo! He sulk like big girl of course but when I say ‘Play better or I buy Michael Owen at Christmas’ he train a bit harder.

THE FOOTIE 100

Rich City Boys

Jay Rodriguez – Burnley Local lad dumps Premiership team out of the Carling Cup. It’s like a Roy of the Rovers storyline but with better hair.

Michel Kuiper – Brighton Great save to put Brighton past Man City… what do they say about money not being everything?

Damien Stewart – QPR Headed a goal that means Aston Villa will have another season of mediocrity.

Collapsed American Bank Employees

Emmanuel Pogatetz – Middlesbrough Terrible tackle on Man U’s Possebon makes him now the most hated man in Surrey.

Hayden Mullins – West Ham Rounding off a perfect week for the Hammers with an own goal to knock them out of the only Cup competition teams like West Ham could win.

Newcastles defence – All of them Easily confused with an episode of the Chuckle Brothers.

WAG WATCH

Golf WAG SPECIAL

OK, Europe lost the Ryder Cup but they’ve certainly got a better class of WAG than footballers and jokes that revolve around the following five words

1) wood

2) ride her

3) balls

4) bogey

5) birdies

Anyway - have a look at the ladies HERE

Some more Diaries:

Anyone who’s ever watched a Jackie Chan film knows that the underdog can always win, get the stunning girl, change the world and maybe have a nice sing song. Hull are very much like a Jackie Chan film apart from the changing the world bit. And the stunning girls. That team are heroes at the moment, up at seventh in the league and not afraid of anyone. They’ve got the pretty boys of Arsenal next and must fancy their chances, and to be truthful, so do I. A couple of hard tackles and an eight man defence and they could nick it one nil – and at 12/1 it’s well worth a flutter.

Gets inside: Terence ‘Terry’ Venables

So Toony Venables is it now? If El Tel does take over at Newcastle fans will hope he’ll bring the magic of Euro 96 with him and not the tragic of Euro 2008. And let’s face it; the tanned one knows a thing or two about management having had some form of coaching role with Crystal Palace, QPR, Barcelona, Spurs, Australia, Middlesbrough, and Leeds, even acting as Chairman of Portsmouth for about 5 minutes. Let’s not forget he was an England player in his day, capped twice in the late 1960s and has won his fair share of cups in his own little barrel chested way. But what will the Toon Army make of the man? He might be alright if he brings Shearer with him…

THE LAST WORDS:

"I would rather Arsenal win the league than certain other teams" - Sir Alex Ferguson. No really. Please.

Sequel

So, finally, after over a week from the day we were crowned Champions, I still cant believe it. Even today at times when I get up in the morning and look at the massive wallpaper that I have of the Theatre of Dreams next to my bed, I can't truly believe that we have finally done it. The European double that I was so desperately waiting for. It has been 9 long years. Unfair long years. Unfair because we deserved to win the Champions League before when we came so close but yet so far from winning it by faltering at the Semi-finals on more than a few occasions.

When a few years ago in 2005, we lost against Benfica in Lisbon, it hurt. It was not only embarrassing but it didn't honestly reflect the true potential United had. Back then we had Roy Keane, Ruud, Alan Smith & the cunt of a man Gabriel Heinze apart from this years team sans the new signings. After that loss, I read somewhere United would never win the European Cup again with Fergie at the helm. It was depressing. But how has the man turned the fortunes around.

With backing of the once-evil Glazers, who were blasted by the supporters for taking over the club, he made some stunning purchases this season with the addition of Anderson, Nani & Owen Hargreaves with the combined splash of about £ 50 m. People raised their eyebrows but I guess there won't be anyone complaining now. Anderson has been an absolute revelation this season with his skills and calmness. He has won over the Old Trafford faithful and looks set to be a replacement for the ginger prince Paul Scholes. His antics against Lehman in the Arsenal vs Man United match where he kept on distracting Lehman was an absolute joy to watch. But I still believe its too early to judge him. People have been kind-of hyping him a bit too much I reckon although there is no denying the fact that he has truckloads of talent. The only concern is, he keeps his feet on the ground. You cannot by any means ignore the obvious lack of fidelity or loyalty in today's so called baby-Bentley's. But I hope Anderson n likes emulate Scholes by packing their bags n going home after every game. Same goes with the Portuguese almost-there Nani who keeps on losing his head every now n then and gets involved in some foolish blockheadedness. But no matter how insane these young players get, as long as fergie is there, he would almost certainly manage them and bring them back to earth and keep them hungry.

The only depressing fact is that the man himself has ruled out being the manager after maximum 3 years. It is just unbelievable. I cant imagine Manchester United without Fergie. I have grown up supporting them. Waking up in the morning and reading in the papers about the stupidity from the other club owners like la Perry, Shinawatra or sugarpapa Abramovich and then the scuffles with their managers makes a very good and hysterical reading. But that was all because at the back of the mind we knew our club was in the safe hands of Fergie and Sir Bobby. I don't want to go into the retirement thing so early but I hope Fergie stays as long as he physically can.

IN FERGIE WE TRUST

Anyways, as many people have done it, I would love to make my Premier League XI for the year 2007-08. Here are the 11 men who performed well for their clubs.

Goal Keeper: David James (Portsmouth)

Defense: Bacary Sagna (Arsenal) Nemanja Vidic; Rio Ferdinand; Evra (all United)

Midfield: Ronaldo (United) Gareth Barry (Villa) Michael Essien; Joe Cole (both Chelsea)

Strikers: Fernando Torres (Liverpool) Adebayor (Arsenal)

Subs: Lescott (Everton) Lampard (Chelsea) Downing (Boro) Cech (Chelsea) S Cruz (Blackburn)