09 April 2008

Fingers Crossed

Well, the same old whinging. But then what are blogs for? Eh' Anyways, yeah I mean even I am fed with my doppelganger self complaining about every bit of whats happening. I don't think I can get any lower than this. The questions keep popping up. Not that I am suffering emotionally or financially or career-wise. Alls well. The same old hiccups n all which every other boy suffers. Family is ..welll, as usual, brilliant. And the usual yada yada.
But you would wonder, so whats wrong?

Well I've been asking the same question. I dont know whats wrong. And it is so frustrating. Its this untolerable cruelty that hurts. That feeling which I get every once in a while saying somethings wrong. AH well, my mate says go n see a counselor. For fuck sake!! A counselor?
A guy who fucking gives you advice on your problems for money. Heck no. Doesnt fit right in my head. Talking about money. There is this miserable situation I have gotten into.

So, I work for this guy since I've been in London. Nice british born Indian guy. Helped me when I was looking for a job. And I have been loyal to him alright. As in, haven't complained about shit stuff. Pretty decent. But now, I need money. As in more money. My needs have grown and so has the need for that extra money. Yes I am an international student and its really a paltry amount that we are "legally" allowed to earn in this country. Real pisstake. You pay shitloads of tax and pay for licenses for every bloody thing you do. Paying for watching a TV, parking your vehicle, congestion charges, and for taking the piss. I mean literally. Ok I dont have to pay most of those charges because I dont have a car yet and neither do I plan to buy one soon lest I am employed by Mr. Mittal which is as unlikely as Chelsea playing 'sexy' football. Nevertheless, back to the point. After paying so much u save peanuts.

So now I want to look for a new job. Not that its hard to find one. Infact the experience I gained over the years working for my company has made me a lot better and its now sort of easy to find a similar job. But then the problem is Mr. Employer doesnt like it if we (me and friends) go looking for another job. What a shame. Yeah probably I would've done the same had I been in his shoes and I honestly know how it feels but what shall I do? I need money to pay my bills which is one of the reasons I am feeling shitty. Probably. But then unfortunately I am not professional enough to jump to a decision. Its easy to say well you need money so go do another job, dont give a toss about who thinks what, coz they aint gonna help you pay your bills. But its easier said than done. I just cant do it or just dont feel like it. Altough it would've been mighty jolly had Mr. Employer understood the predicament which I seriously doubt. But then when my friends have joined other jobs, he got angry in the beginning and it looked likely they wont be working for us again, but he still keeps calling them for work. Again. What a joke. Them boys were laughing behind his back. Saying they dont need him anymore coz they found a new job. They thought he needed em and not the other way around. And well, they've been proved right. Infact I've been proven wrong for thinking otherwise. For FUCK SAKE! The worst thing is, Mr. Employer is a very decent bloke. Very hard to find such a mate. Can't go all angry on him. But hold ur guns. Thats true only outside the office. When he gets in, its hard to predict him. Ruthless. Oh well, God bless! I dont care!

The other day, I was working at Wembley when I got a call from him asking me to collect everyones job cards. I told the area manager that I had to collect everyones jobcards for my boss. The area manager, being an arrogant racist little (read fat fuck coz he is over 18 stones) cunt that he is, looked at me and said in front of everyone, "the last time I checked, I was the area manager, you dont tell me what to do" and left. It was so embarassing. I felt like slashing the big daddy into pieces. But I said nothing, looked into his eyes and gulped down the anger. But that wasn't it. One of the staff turned up and said to me, "who the fuck are you and why the fuck do you want our jobcards. Who gave you the authority?" Well, initially I did explain it to her politely towards which I was greeted with more abuse. When I returned the favour, my boss called me again and insisted that I took the jobcards. Well, I couldn't because the Area manager had already started walking down with the staff towards the check out. I told my boss about it but he wouldn't understand. When all this was going on, one of the Area managers bitches (assistant) turned up from oblivion and she started snatching the phone out of my hands to my utter disbelief. She said I wasnt allowed to talk on the phone while at work. Technically I was finished but still I wasn't talking to my girlfriend. I was talking work. On the other hand my boss was still barraging on the phone asking me to take the job cards. Finally I told the lady manager (formerly bitch) that I was talking to the staffing team. Formerly, because she duely apologised. That was like a 10 min hell run that I went through. Blood was pumping hard and fast in my veins. I felt like just running away from all that shit. But I wanted to wait for my boss and tell him the whole thing.

When he turned up, I explained him the whole picture as it happened. Atleast I tried to but to my incredulity again I found out he wasn't really 100 percent interested in listening to me. But when he heard about one of our own staff having a go at me, he called her up. I honestly didnt want to see her again but he called her back again. When she turned up, he just told her I was the London team leader and she wasnt supposed to be rude to me. And thats all. Thats it. It was shocking, I couldn't believe it. The hardest part to take was, he said to her, If I was ever rude with her again, she should see him first before giving it back to me. Unfuckinbelievable. I get this for 2 years. This. I just went numb for a while. After that I didnt even expect him to talk to the area manager about treating me bad. How can I expect? When u expect, you get disappointed.

I dont know who to trust anymore. My friends are jealous. They see me doing good and they want to meddle around. They see me check-in and they cant take it. They see me talk to the managers at work and they cant take it. Backbitting is performed better than the opposite sex. But, I cant complain to my boss. He wouldnt understand. Imagine one guy crying foul against 5 others. Who would look foolish? Deceitful two faced bastards all of them. Now-a-days, whenever I feel like talking to someone, I can only think of mum and one of my friends in India. Thats all. Is that all this has come to? 23 years of so called abstract life for two swell people? Hey ram! Why dont mums live longer than you. I dont ever want mum to leave me. Like ever. hehe yeah sounds immature. Well thats how I am. There is no place for good men out there. Not that I am saying am good, but I am not bad either. Well, ok, not too bad. Am alright. But duniya keeps on moving ahead for better I think. It wouldn't stop for me or my intricate life. But then, they say gods watching. He'll bless me. Well, Fingers Crossed!