Merry Crushmas I

Christmas 2006

I returned back from a month long "vacation" from India on the 13th of November. I spent an awful lot of money in that one month not realising in what deep shit I would end up when I return back. I was not totaly feckless. Except for the fact that my nagging intuition was certain that it would be a bad idea to overspend, I was armed with the knowledge that I was gonna do plenty of work when I return back n hence it would not matter. Too bad I was too overjoyed, exhilarated, and too stupid to think twice.

The day I returned, the stock of bills which my roomates had piled up on my pc table made me feel like putting needles in my eyeballs. The enormous ammounts and my landlords disapproval of allowing me 2 weeks breathing period to pay my rents, made me feel really sick. Luckily, I got a call the same day from my boss who was kind enough to remember that I was returning that day. After da usual inquiring of "how u doin n had a good flight" thing, he came straight to the point, "from when can u start back?".

"Right now". I was desperate enough to say that. I had 32 £ left!! Yeah..I came from india with that amount left in my wallet. Don't ask how much I spent in india now!

He asked me to start from the next day itself. And hence started the busiest Christmas or in fact the most happening month of my entire 22 years life. In this month, I had massive crushes on some of the hottest chicks I ever worked with and surprisingly, most of my crushes looked like materialising for the first time ever. Am serious! I said to all my friends who kinda did envy me for a while again n again n again n again da same thing, "bhagwan jab deta hai, chappar fad ke deta hai!!" :D

So, it all started on 17th of November, after working at racecourses and few more small time places for the initial few days, my boss booked me for a month to work at St. Albans. The party village. There were goin to be 25 consecutive nights of non-stop christmas partying, unshameful acts of "love-making" in public and yeah...enormous money & hard work.
The schedule came in. I had to leave my house at 1 in the afternoon and come back home at 4am the next day. 15 hours of labour, everyday, all vacation long. I really doubted if I could do that for 25 days on the trot, especially when everyone else would be partying n sleeping in their beds when its gonna be 0-5 degree celcius outside. But I had no choice so I had to do it.

I never liked clubbing and partying as such. I have actively avoided the partying lifestyle for pretty much my whole life. I don’t know what it is about it that has always simply repulsed me: maybe the sweaty, over-scented, under sexed crowd of losers. Possibly it’s the raucous disregard for common courtesy and manners; or, it could be the heavy entrance fees. It could just be the fact that I have absolutely no rhythm & can’t dance to even save my life, and prefer alternative to sing in the bathroom any day. Or as people sometimes put it, they blame it on the "stag" entries. Whatever may be the reason, I hate it. So working for a month with the same crowd who would be drinkin their living daylights in the marquee enjoyin christmas was gonna be interesting.

So started the crushes....

Sadness is all I've ever known.
Inside my retched body it has grown.
It has eaten me away,
to what the fuck I am today.

There's nothing left for me to say.
There's nothing there for me to hate.
There's no feelings, and there's no thoughts.
My body's left to fucking rot.
Life sucks, life sucks, life sucks,
Who gives a fuck man, who gives a fuck!

It has been fucking this way,
since my fucking waking day.
Boredom has taken over my brain.
Chilled the blood inside my veins
Left me in this place insane.
All in sickness and in pain.

Everyday we gotta rot away in school
Rot on da net, rot on orkut,
I'm feeling like a fucking fool
I HATE EVERYONE,
they all hate me in return.
People bitching off my ear.
I can no longer fucking hear.
Nothing ever goes my way.
And it's never gonna fucking change.
Life sucks, life sucks, life sucks, life sucks

I hate my life, I hate my life,
I hate my life, I hate my life!

LIFES A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loner?

It was really making me restless thinkin if I really was a loner or it was just that I acted like one? I have a happy medium on the loner scale. I enjoy socializing, but I also have my moods when I'd rather be alone. Social interaction is important for forming human bonds, getting support and affirming my own personal identity. (As Charles Augustin Sainte-Beauve said, "Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.") But it's equally important to do things for myself, have time to reflect and explore the world in my own way. In fact, doing things on my own makes me a stronger, more interesting person. Whether or not I consciously aspired to this state of harmony between independence and human bonding, I seem to have achieved it!
You still think am a Loner? aheemmm!!

Hyper Limey

"We've Declared a Level-Three Heatwave Alert!"
So thundered the news from the Met Office this week.
It was like that scene from some Hollywood flick where the bad man declares some nuclear threat and the United States moves to DefCom4.
It's a BIT OF SUNSHINE for crying out loud!!!!! Geeeeeeeeezzzz!!!
People shiver in the pissing rain, especially in Manchester, for 50 weeks of the year.
A bit of nice weather is fantastic, not a reason for running berserk to the air raid shelters.
OK, it's a bit unpleasant seeing fat skinheads swigging beer from plastic cups with their T-shirts off or wid T-shirts saying stuff like, FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCK or Poiting downwards and saying..WANT BEER? TAP IS HERE!
But...But....but...there is plenty of eye candy to make up for it.
Yes, a few old dears will collapse (Tip: Take your duffel coat off, Love!) and the odd moron will leave Fido to bake in the back of the Volvo.
But all said, I kinda hate the hot weather as much as I love it. It isn't really fun to wake up in the morning when the sun is shining right on your face through the window and you are feeling frikkin baked. Even not that much fun for those who sat next to me at work as I drip sweat like a leaky tap, but bugger it. The lack of clothing makes up for it and after all...winter starts again on friday! :D

Life's priorities!

It was a unusual day on friday (19th May). I was studying at night which is rare but yeah I was. I was continously studying for almost 7 past nights for almost 5 to 6 hrs till morning for my assignment which I was supposed to submit on 24th. So on that friday night, I was trying to find a very rare song on da net which led me to download a software. After installing that software, my machine freezed and after few futile attempts to make it steady again, I restarted it. But later it just couldn't restart. It was a system crash which wasn't somefin new to me. I tried repairing it but after trying in vain for almost 3 hours, I realised that it wasn't just that. Even da so called genius Mr. Satyajeet couldnt help me in it so I figured out that the problem was grave. Yeah I lost all my data, all my assignments, all my hard work. I had taken too much pain for da first time since my 10th grade for this assignment. I am quite famous for starting to study one or two days before the examz (A one day innings). But this time as my machine fucked up, I also realised that Test matches isn't really my ball game. Anyways...it cost me frekkin 3 days of my job to re-do both of my assignments again. Though I submitted da assignment on time, it wasn't the best of my work.

But after I finished my submissions, I realised something really strange. I knew that computers formed a very important part of my life but this revelation was something different. For da days after my submission, the shops were closed due to saturday Sunday holidays and bank holidays n various other reasons so I couldn't fix my lappy for the next 5 tp 6 days. Those days were like the longest days of my life. I couldn't really do anything. I didnt know how someone utilises his time without computers. It made me unbearably restless for the first two days. But then how important these new things are in my life? I spent time by reading my Management books which I surprisingly found out to be quite interesting. I started watchin shows on the Teli which were good though I found many to be mindnumbingly stupid but atleast I knew that there is much more on da teli than Football matches. I also got a lot of time to call my family and friends who were shocked to see me call them on my own. (they are the ones who call me n I seldom call them once in two months. I know thats so sick but there you go...thats me). Me being totally devoid of internet connection made me recieve many mails from my rather supportive friends
askin if I was ok as they didnt see me online or on orkut since many days. These reactions were making me realise that I am so much attached to internet and this new frekkin habbits like orkut and online gaming n all. There is more to life than just internet and computers I thought. I made up my mind that I am not gonna spend much time on orkut or yahoo or gamespy or whatever. I also prayed one day. Recited da Ganapti Stotra which even must've stunned da almighty. I felt a real sense of pleasure, calmness & satisfaction for once. Though da most important thing I was missing was my Music. I felt really sad for losing my awesome collection, But I thought anyways, I've learnt a lot from this experience. I am gonna improve on it. I made
a resolution to avoid being on da net and spend more time reading, thinking, hangin out, calling my family n friends, Study, pray, etc etc. Now came the 1st of June. I decided to fix my baby now. I took her to many shops where I found out da prices to fix her were totally impossible for me to bear. Even more than the price of da new HDD. So I took a gamble, purchased a new HDD and fixed my lappy all by myself. I was so happy when it made the first WINDOWS LOGON SOUND. Now after trying to keep up wid my resolution, I have realised that nothing can stop me from doing what I used to do. FREAK OUT ON DA NET! COMPUTERS are my toys and I cant stay from it. Internet is my oxygen without which I can't live. All those things which I decided I should be doing have taken a back seat. But hell man, why should someone do what he doesnt wanna do and why should someone stop doing what he loves doing? Whats so bad in staying online anyways? When people ask me why da hell r u online all da time, I dont really know what to answer. Whats bad in staying connected anyways? It really irritates me. When You have a 1 MB connection, unlimited download, a good lappy, lots of time, do you expect me to shut down my machine and spend watching fuckall shows on da teli or go out and hang out wid da nigs who one day would kill me for one or da otha reason. Fuck man I dont give a horses ass about what poeple think. If I care so much about what everyone thinks, my trasformation would again be back to da old lame alok! So I am happy with what I am and what I do. If anyone has a problem, prove it me that its somefin wrong that I am doing or just go rot in hell!!!!!